16/12/2009

好久我都没有写下任何话了。今天开始我有一个星期的假期，今天终于看到绣了，非常开心非常开心。好久都没有拥有这种感觉了，很舒服，什么都可以讲。她回家后我又开始想念她了，希望星期五的到来我又可以再见到她。

最近的心情虽然好了一些些，但是还是起伏不定。一下笑一下哭。刚刚和怡看戏，故事的情节让我回想起一些人一些事情，37天了，就这样过去，没有存在的脚印，偶尔的笑容，只有渐渐淡去的心痛感觉。

应该是属于过去的事了，为什么还一直把它放在心里，抹不去吗？现在心里的痛我已经无法在朋友面前讲及哭了，只好在这里表达了。这么长时间的执着换来，我只记得一封痛彻心扉的简讯，一些快乐珍贵回忆但又换来刺痛的感觉，现在想起还是很熟悉当时的心情。

我要非常努力，已经很努力了，为什么我好像还在原。。。。。

过去了。。。。。

时间真得过得很快，上个星期的现在我在新加玻正要和小姑表姐去Jurong Point逛街。从新加玻回来已经是第四天了，今天是第二天婷没有流下任何一滴泪，强忍着泪水，努力的让自己开心。上机当天，短讯来了，电话响了，紧张及关心的朋友们，谢了！尤其是鱼儿，在去新加玻的机场路途，我的眼泪在听到你的声音时就流下了，吓倒吧！也谢谢鱼和怡隔天陪我从7pm唱K直到12.30am，知道你们都很累，隔天都在公司钓鱼了。哈哈！朋友们，对不起，我在你们面前一直突然流泪，放心吧！昨天开始婷会一直常带笑容，比以前更开心。鱼儿，记得三天前你问我我要在你身上得到什么吗？你说可以给我勇敢及坚强。放心！我已经在朋友及同事的关心下，得到了“勇敢”，“坚强” 及 “快乐”。我不会忘记答应过你：“用这次那么珍贵难得的旅程在我这段执著了快两年半的感情划上一个完美的句号！”

singapore trip

Waiting for Singapore trip for 3 months, trip end 9/11/09 the day I came back to KL. I like the place there so much, clean, clear, convenient and comfortable. Started my journey by departing from house on 6/11/09 at 8.30am. Taking taxi and bus to airport, 1st time using international departure entrance, feel strange and try to find the way out. The journey to Singapore was so short which I don’t even sleep nicely. Feel scared when I reach Changi airport, luckily sis chien lead me all the way in phone. 3.30pm I have reached aunty’s place. Have dinner with aunty, uncle and sis. Very happy to meet uncle and aunty who I never meet for 3 years. 5.30pm my naughty cousin back from school, he talk a lot with me, and I found that very funny for what he have told my aunty: “ mummy, don’t you feel that when sis ting come, our house full of laughter, she is the happy maker”! Night time sis and aunt bring me to JURONG POINT shopping mall. We have our dinner, and this moment, friend, YJ finally called after he has cleared his work before 2 days leave.

I’ve reach Outram Park at 12.10pm which we promise to meet at 11pm. Haha! OMG, my hand start shivering when the time reach, I looking around to search for him, that is he, not much change for outlook but gain some weight. Our 1st station to Vivo City, a shopping mall opposite Sentosa. We walked for so long to look for Ya Kon Toast. Finally we found, we ordered 3 types, I love the cheesy French toast, and it is so nice. Then we proceed to Sentosa, 1st station to underwater world. It is full because of weekend. Then we went to beach. We walked along the beach, it is so hot, but everyone is like enjoying their beach volleyball, swimming, sand castle, and even drinking at the seaside. The last station at Sentosa is dolphin show. Then is the end of our 1st day journey. 10.30pm he finish dinner with his colleague. He called for drink but I can’t make it because it is too late.

Next day again we meet at 11.30am. We went for lunch, I ate pepper beef with egg, and it is so delicious. We go for shopping and buy some gift for my friends in KL. Bought earrings, bracelet, and sleeveless shirt. Then we walk to visit Esplanade, museum, Merlion, after walking for quite a distance, we went for a drink at Coffee Bean, the view is so nice which we are facing the Singapore Riverside. We continue our journey, and we walked until Clarke Quay which is a clubbing area in Singapore. We went to survey the place which we do reservation for dinner, Pump Room. Suddenly rain heavily that we stuck at that area just to wait for the rain to stop. Time is running out, then we rush to take MRT to orchard, took some photos, and walk around. One thing I never believe that we went to City Hall shopping mall’s washroom to have a change for dinner.

8pm we have reach Pump Room; the place is so romantic with love songs. We took our dinner and drink some special mix beer. 10.45 live bands started, we dance at the dance floor, and knew some of foreign friends. 2.30am we leave the place separately by taxi.

9/11/09 noon I depart from aunt’s house to airport, feel sad to leave, anyway thanks, I really enjoy this trip. Great memories for me!

真的清楚了

非常的心痛。。。

很多天都不开心了。。。
今天真的忍不住了，想了想还是觉得那位朋友适合我诉苦，等了一天，原来我错了。可以诉苦的朋友还以为有两三个，原来他已经不是其中一个了。刚刚知道原来朋友传个玩笑简讯给他人都不想回应我的不开心。这一刻我终于明白了，非常的失望，非常的心痛。。。原来他已经不再是我心中的朋友了。。。再也不会对他讲任何事情了。。。

找到自己快乐及放下的方法。。独自唱歌，逛街，喝茶。。。

12/10/2009

On leave for 1 day... think of to rest... suddenly viewing my own yahoo mail... quite a long time never view that email... found that a lot of mail storing inside...i read 1 by 1... my tears drop and i still found out 1 thing ... actually we own a private email in the past, i think for so long but i can't rmb the email address... feel dissapointed and sad...

something i can't let go, someone i can't get easily, i'm just standing in the middle never know which way to go, i'm confuse...........

i start to change my point of view twd few ppl besides me... this is scary... but a strong feel of dislike... nth i can do but juz follow my heart...

26 days to go... waiting but scared, happy but worry.... but hope to find my last happiness within the 4 days... even there is only 2 hours... then that is the end of my past life and story and start with a new ME.....

9/10/2009

应该是时候吧。。。

最近心情很不定，复杂。。。很怕有一天会爆发。。又不懂想和谁诉苦。。。大家都有难关要渡过，难道还会有人要分担我的吗？

现在的位子很陌生，很害怕，没有安全感了。。。朋友呢？全都改变了吗？应该是吧！可能不是别人而是自己所以很多事情都不同了。。。

对于自己想要什么，喜欢什么，要做的事情都一切模糊了。。。失去方向了？其实只有话，从来都没有那份勇气。。。从来都没有寻找过。。。为什么一直以来都这么矛盾及模糊？很想找出自己的出口。。。

6/10/09

回来KL已有一星期多了。。很想念爸妈，也希望妈身体健康！一切没事！

当我开始踏进这段友情，占据了别人的位子。。我知道有一天这段友情会不再属于我的。。慢慢的离开了。。。我也了解了。。。

很想过自己的生活。。。一个不再挂念任何人的生活。。。但现在还蛮开心因为有什么我都可以和你讲。。原来我还真的害怕会失去他们任何一个人。。。他走了。。。她也走了。。。现在他和她就快离我远一点了，见面少了。。。真的有点不开心。。。

心情很难平复。。。只是希望不要每件事情都那么在意。。。还蛮想念你的。。。哈哈！

13/9/09

2am回到家里。。。非常精彩的演唱会。。。真的让我很开心，很享受，尽情的呼喊。。。

陈伟联唱 "i love you"。。。真的很感动。。。Soler真的超man,超cool，虽然第一次听他们的歌但每一首我都很喜欢。。。林健辉唱 “我听见有人叫你宝贝”，真棒！。。。动力火车轰动全场，唱了8首歌。。。侧田，容祖儿，谢安琪，方大同，李圣杰，陶吉吉，张智成，海鸣威也带动了气氛。。。

非常开心及满足这场我第一次在吉隆玻看的演唱会。。。很享受全场观众跟着歌手一起唱歌的感觉。。。开心开心。。。哈哈！

12/9/09

刚刚回到家不久。。。又去了夜街。。。今天很乖，控制到不流泪了。。。虽然还是想着，但是使用开心及幸福的心情去想念。。。

人的心总是改变，脑里想的一时一样。。。真的搞不懂自己。。。哈哈！但最重要是开心。。。

24/8/09

昨晚还是睡不着。。。想了很多。。。最后决定不去了。。。感觉轻松了也开心了。。。

今早email了朋友，放松了，也没有事情摆在心里了。只有一声对不起，在我不开心或压力下，只有对你我才可以发脾气，我知道你很无辜，对不起！谁叫你是我身边最好的朋友。哈哈！

我等你哦！因为想去的地方只有你才可以陪我。哈哈！

23/8/09

直到当天早上我还在考虑去不去，最后我还是去了。她说幸好我有去，不然她就真的闷了。

开始还觉得开心的，至少有和她分享一点事情。。。 告诉她我很多事情都看破了。不想再插手或给意见了，失望了，也心痛了，已经没有权利讲任何东西了。所以不想问了，不想劝了。

对于别人把我的话当成他和别人的话题，而我又从别人身上听回一样的话，这些朋友我也不想要了。

时间慢慢得过了，即使你不想，它还是飞逝得过。。。。

累了。。。

那个地方我去了，很开心因为很熟悉，流泪因为开始陌生了。。。

这几天没有笑容，只有坏脾气。。。
没有眼泪，只有怨恨。。。
现在的心情已经没有一个人让我愿意讲给他听了。。。
已经开始只相信自己。。。。
不喜欢告诉别人自己的事情了。。。

原来我不是一个开心的人。。。
我只是一个希望别人开心的人。。。。
所以觉得自己很辛苦。。。
现在我只想要自己开心。。。

可能病累了吧。。。。。

14/8/09

我慢慢地离开了，我不需要很要好的朋友了吗？还是害怕了？害怕伤害的感觉还是害怕出卖的感觉？我更害怕朋友隐瞒关于我的一切。我开始讨厌了，不知从何时开始。。。对不起！

我开始走我自己的路，开始不再依赖身边的一切，人还是事物？都一样吧！我不想知道或没有兴趣知道的事情，就不要告诉我吧！

我突然很想找回快乐，我开始寻找，我决定去了，还是希望一个人去。可能我的任性我的执著觉得讨厌但从今天起我希望我自己开心了。

8/8/09

两天前，有一个她告诉我她的6年爱情故事，快结婚了，但有突发事件。我不懂得回答但我可以感觉她有多痛。她和她都很坚强，很能干，工作效率及程度都很棒！我非常欣赏她们俩。

工作真的感觉到压力了，但我开始想办法去完成我所负责的事情，在来临的会议表现好。加油！

昨晚去了clubbing，第一次化浓妆，自己都看不惯。哈哈！昨晚感觉还蛮开心的！Zy & Jack, HAPPY　ＢＩＲＴＨＤＡＹ！！！

28/7/09

最近发生了很多事情，我的心情无法平复，忐忑不安。

想回那一晚，我真希望可以让她忘记一切，希望她很快解决一切让自己开心。朋友，放下一切，让自己开心，现在有他，有我们这班朋友啊！

还有他，对他的话感觉失望，心痛。但是还是让自己忘记他的话，就当他冲动吧！朋友，再有第二次，你看我原谅你的话吗？不要做傻人，做个飞鱼吧！

还有你啊！一定有你的份，哈哈！不要烦恼这么多，像你所讲的，顺其自然吧！主要是自己开心。

今天我幻想了一样我很想去实现的事情，感觉开心，开始计划了。哈哈!

25/7/09

最近心情非常差，非常低落，非常复杂。原因呢！很多很多！有想念，有喜欢，有讨厌，有嫉妒，有自卑。

最近一直很希望可以看到周围朋友都开心，都笑。。。朋友们的不开心，我一直很担心，我无法帮你们解决因为我没有这个能力。

很想告诉你我的心情，我的感觉但是我没有这种勇气了。我累了。。。。当靠近你时，我觉得陌生；当有距离时，我却觉得我们很近。

朋友的话

我很享受这次的旅游。但心情也很复杂。站在船上吹风，吹下了眼泪，喜欢的时刻很辛苦，但是感觉幸福；慢慢放下了却流泪，因为我害怕忘记他，我努力的想他！

她说不要认为没有见面，没有谈天就是忘记了，但是就把对方留在心里就足够了。

他说这就是人生啊！下次你再遇见他，就会很开心，因为他还在那，还是你的朋友。



一位小妹妹，和她再度相处，很自然了，开心了。希望她接下来就会更开心更幸福。

还有你啊！在这么远记得照顾自己，努力读书，享受生活吧！珍惜身边拥有的一切。 不用相片贴在墙上我都会记得你的哦！



他， 他， 她， 她 都让我的生活充满愉乐，回忆，幸福。朋友在心中，永远的永远。

19/7/09

Just reach home at 8pm from Pangkor, really tired but quite enjoy this trip. 14 of us with 3 cars, depart at 4am yesterday morning. A bit crazy right? haha!

When we reach Pangkor jetty, we take ferry to opposite side. The moment i stand on the ferry facing the sea and the wind blowing toward my face, i really enjoy the feeling, relax and relax. After that we take a van to go around the place, 14 peoples fit into 1 van, can imagine how pack we are?





After lunch, chicken rice, then we go around the island with boat, wow nice and great, the water splashing, the most exciting moment is during snookering, 1st time i went for it. Quite nervous but i did it! all the fish are so beautiful in different colour, i thought i will just can see from aquarium...









After snookering, everyone feel tired then have a nap. 7.30 we start our BBQ at seaside. Finish everything in 3 hours, after that we celebrate Yan birthday using selfcook pizza. haha! the night end, but left few of us still enjoying our beer with games...

This morning 8.30, 5 girls enjoy nasi lemak, fried mihun, teh tarik, milo panas as breakfast. Then we choose 14 Pangkor t-shirts for everyone. That is not our ending, after we have left pangkor island, time come to lunch....delicous food all around the table, and also fresh coconuts.











This is the end of our trip, it is great! next activity? Guess is my "brother" birthday celebration.

10/7/09

Since last night when i sitting alone in room, seeing the bookmarks i do for her... my tears keep on dropping, even can't see the bookmarks design.... i can't control my tears...

This morning in office, i can't concentrate for my work and i'm waiting for 12.45pm to go back home... when the time i leave office, when i get in Star Lrt... my tears drop again... i tried to control...but failed...

Reach airport and the moment i saw her, i scared to look on her, i escape my eye sight from her... the moment she leave, my tears start uncontrollable... i don't know how many things i need to tell her, i don;t know when i just can meet her again... earliest half year... i really miss her a lot...





This moment she is in the plane heading to sydney.... i'm waiting for her to online since 9.30pm... but i think she slept... because she really can't sleep late... tc dear and wish to hear from you soon... starting to save money and wish to go to dear master convo in future time...

6/7/09

Tuesday night after work rushing to sunway OLE OLE BALI... to meet my dear ys... our last farewell with her and also celebrating her birthday... we tried the indonesia food there.











At the moment, we also gave her a surprise birthday celebration, i saw her eyes holding tears... then i laugh at her. haha!









When the time she back home, my tears drop... really miss her so much....

3/7/09

Last sat and sunday we went to Kuala Selangor, know new friend, jerry, another funny and silly guy...haha! but quite enjoy the trip and it bring plenty of laughter. We go around the place.









Eve we enjoy seafood with quite reasonable price. All the dishes taste nice especially the prawn...

















night time we took small boat to enjoy seeing firefly... is the 1st time i see lots of firefly... great!







I hope continuous trip waiting for us..... PANGKOR next.....

28/6/09

Last night we went "steak house" for dinner as a farewell with siew, a new place near our house, quite a nice place. After dinner we went home and change, to the place that i wish for so long. haha! Clubbing at sanctuary. Really enjoy and happy. Another time fooling around with siew and thian. I really miss that moment dancing, drinking, laughing, and joking with both of them last night, long time never have such feeling again. When almost reach the end, my tears suddenly drop, is she in my heart not him. This morning wake up i ask siew actually did she know that what is the reason i cry last night, thanks my friend, till the end you are the only one that understand me. She say that because she is leaving. That's true! But i know if i ask others sure everyone will say that is because of him. she just leave my house and went home.....

爱情和解？

最近都听到爱情的烦恼。有的拍拖很久，出现问题，有的很幸福。有些分手了，脱难，伤心，解脱。有些开始对某人有感觉了，但是却不讲，矛盾。真的真的种种问题。

我呢？开始解脱了，慢慢放开了，一天比一天开心，很久没有想念朋友了，不因为他流泪了，但前两天看报纸，说那里的H1N1很严重，开始有点犹疑要不要传个简讯。回到家里躺在床上，想了想，决定不传了，因为不管我传不传，朋友都会小心的，只是多余的一个问候，有时自己觉得简单的关心，但朋友可能又认为是超越了。

开始又找回我生活的快乐了，好像放下一些东西，整个人轻松，开心。爱情不是每个人玩得起的，我就暂时不玩了，很怕。哈哈！现在也没有资格可以喜欢别人，就尽情享受我的快乐旅程吧！

feel like my new beginning

Yesterday go meet siew. shopping and talking with her. Really feel missing her when she leave on 10/7. Although is just 1 year plus, but will be missing her so much. haha!

Night time went little bally with siew and fish. we chat a lot there, reach home we continue chatting and joking until 4am. i told both of them that 1 thing i wanted to let them know. I really stop being stubborn towards "friend", trust me. I know they did believe me. I start to have new way of thinking for my own life. I wish to be happy everyday with my life no matter working or enjoying. i start to feel happy with my job now. Start to let go, start to accept new thing.

Honestly i feel a bit worry meeting thian today. But after meeting her i feel very happy. She look happier and prettier. Be happy always my friend. I really wish all my friends happy always. YEAH!!!

10/6/09

刚刚知道了她的消息，可能有些难题，但是相信她会越来越开心。虽然没有勇气问她任何事情，但也渐渐在身边朋友听来。

我的却有点矛盾应该出现吗？可能F觉得我很小气，不大方吧！以前开始我都觉得我一直纠缠在我不应该呆的地方，一直觉得自己不应该出现在他们人群里。就像来临的一天，可能我的出现会令朋友们无法谈天。

我做人越来越自卑，一直觉得自己是朋友当中的后备。我是执著，但是不是朋友，你们想象中的执著。你们觉得的执著可能是不好，对我可能是解脱，我开心时我知道的，可能只是短暂可是我一直很珍惜。不开心时，我尽量自己忍耐，或流泪解除。

漂亮的女生比较受欢迎，肥胖的女生往往向边站。哈哈！

8/6/09

昨晚突然又做梦到那位朋友，做梦到他打电话给我谈天。

订了机票9月回家9天，非常开心，觉得很难等，希望明天就回。刚刚告诉爸爸我今天放工时跌到，爸爸很紧张一直问，告诉他我一点事情也没有，他才放心。

我今天放工一个人走路回家，听着歌，想了很多事情，眼泪流了几滴。还是想念朋友的点点滴滴。后来决定要读烹饪了，希望自己未来的路走得更开心。

可能朋友越来越少，爱情永远没有终点，但我每次告诉自己我永远拥有的就是家人。

我希望自己的生活有一天是不需要眼泪的，不需要妒嫉，不需要害怕，慢慢开始找回我的快乐。

fish birthday outing

Yesterday we went taman pertanian, a place which is so big that we walk for so long. around 1.30pm we ride bicycle. abit scared, abit exciting, but so hot. haha!





















really enjoy this outing. although it is hot and tired but happy. hope there is some other outing waiting for us.

7/6/09

5/6/09 night we went four happy season to celebrate fish birhtday. A nice and special place to us. we choose winter which is really cold to us.











Everyone took photo with birthday guy. He wear the shirt that we bought for him. nice? these days birthday guy like to take photo so much. haha!























We really enjoy at this place.......